


Hurt

by MarJan



Category: Shameless (TV), Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, I'm so sorry, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-18
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:31:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarJan/pseuds/MarJan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year has gone by since 3x12<br/>Mickey thinks about Ian and wishes he could make things right.</p>
<p>(Song is Hurt by Christina Aguilera)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hurt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic ever, so I apologise if it's complete shit. Please let me know what you think.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh

It's been over a year. Over a fucking year since he left. The days have gone by in a blur. He still hated himself, would probably always hate himself, for not being able to get those two little fucking words out.  
Don't go. Those words might have changed anything, but it was too late now.

I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes  
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again  
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Gallagher had called him once since leaving for the army. Naturally, at the moment, he didn't have his phone on him and he missed the call. Ian left a voicemail though, and many a night he would listen to it, he couldn't get to sleep otherwise. He would look sideways, at his Russian wife sleeping peacefully in the bed next to him. What he wouldn't do to have that be the lanky ginger laying there instead of her.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss  
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh

Some days are fine, he goes about his bussines and no one would suspect a thing. Most days though, the only way he gets out of bed is when Mandy comes to drag his sorry ass out. Those days he'll just sit on the couch, staring at a wall. Mandy doesn't come to get him very often anymore, it hurts too much seeing her once ao though brother so broken.

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?  
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Sometimes, he'll wonder what Gallagher would say if they'd see each orher one more time. Would he yell? Would he forgive him? He likes to think so. That maybe they'd fight, make up and go on like they had. He doesn't really think so though. But he won't ever see him again and he'll never know what Ian would say.

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

He doesn't bring any flowers or some shit like that when he goes to visit. It takes him awhile but eventually he finds it. It's simple, vut elegant, it's Ian. He kneels down in front of the gravestone and takes a deep breath before he starts to speak. "I- I'm sorry, you know?" His voice quivers slightly when he speaks and tears are starting to form in the corners of his eyes. "I'm so fucking sorry. You lying here, it's my fault. I couldn't say two fucking words. I'm a coward, I know. But you know, fuck you too. Fuck you, for running. You're a Gallagher for fuck's sake, you deal with your problems, you don't run from them. But fuck me even more, for making you feel shitty enough that you felt you had to leave. I broke your heart, I know. But if it helps any, I broke my own as well."  
He took a deep breath and wiped at the tears who were steadily making their way down his cheeks. "You were right, you were so fucking right." He took the picture of him and Ian laughing together under the El out of his pocket. Mandy had taking it when he'd gotten out of juvie the second time. He places a gentle kiss on it and put it down in front of the tombstone. "I really fucking love you, and I am gay."

He got up and walked away, pulling the hoody he'd nicked off of Ian a long time ago tighter around him, imagining he could still smell Ian's scent on it.


End file.
